remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
