pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
