Are we in a gay sports bar?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
