obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
