do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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