i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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