There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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