thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
