I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
