i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
