your room smells of hookers.
And success
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
