the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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