i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she told me i tasted like america
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
