it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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