im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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