i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
