I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
