Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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