How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Please don't give away my fajitas
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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