i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
