I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
