We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
