Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need water and some morals
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
