He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
