capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
