he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
