hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
