I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
