i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
