her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
