please come you make the beer taste better
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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