You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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