Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
