So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
