My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
