It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
