if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
