Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
