Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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