dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
