Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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