apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
