y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
