He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
