I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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