dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
