I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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