This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
