I wish I could teleport
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
