Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
